My 2 Cents

A wife wanting to see her husband’s reaction asked him

“Honey, If I die will you remarry?”

The Husband replied, “Well dear, the children DO need a mother so yes, I would.”

The wife asked “And would she live in my house?”

To which her hubby replied “Well dear, it’s paid for and in good condition so it would only make sense?”

And the wife asked “And would she sleep in my bed!?”

And the husband replied in a matter of fact manner, “Well the bed is brand new and in good condition, it would be a waste not to use it”

The wife now a little upset asked the husband “I bet you’d even let her use my golf clubs!”

To which the husband replied, “Well of course not dear, She’s left handed.”

Hope you had a laugh
Eric

Technorati Tags: Humor, Golf jokes, marriage

A guy walks in and asks the bartender, “Isn’t that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?” The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?”

Bush says, “We’re planning WWIII. And the guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman.”

The guy exclaimed, “A bicycle repairman!!! Why kill a bicycle repairman?”

Bush turns to Cheney, punches him on the shoulder and says, “See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!”

SOURCE: http://archive.democrats.com/display.cfm?id=206

After almost 15 years living in Tennessee, some of these seem more plausible than you’d think. Not that there aren’t very many highly intelligent people here, because there are, but there are also some that just make you wonder not if but how many times they were dropped on their head as babies.

Hick computer terms
Redneck computer terms

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods

BAR CODE - Them’s the fight’n rules down at the local tavern

BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick

BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro

CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps

CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in

TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker

CRASH - When you go to Junior’s party uninvited

DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers

DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer

FAX - What you lie about to the IRS

HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking

HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos

INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair

KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere

MAC - Big Bubba’s favorite fast food

MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers

MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall

MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live

NETWORK - Scoop’n up a big fish before it breaks the line

ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test

ROM - Where the pope lives

SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch

SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast

SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak’s Employee of the year

SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear

FROM http://www.ahajokes.com/red80.html

Considering I’m feeling exceptionally run down today I went out and dug this up just in case anyone else needs it too.

Top 15 best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

“They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
“This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.”
“Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.”
“I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!”
“This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!”
“I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance”
“Actually I was doing a “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan”(SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.”
“I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?”
“Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”
“The coffee machine is broke….”
“Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.”
“Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!”
“Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!”
“I wasn’t sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without using my hands.”
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

“Amen.”

Thanks
Eric
Taken from
http://www.travelingdogs.com/jokes.html#sleeping

q. What do you do if an Epileptic has a seizure in your bathtub?

a. Throw in your laundry.

Before anyone gets too self righteous or indignant with me, although I’ve gone many years without a seizure (about 11 now) I am an epileptic and hey, if you can’t laugh at yourself, Go away and let the rest of us laugh at you.

Thanks
Eric

As a regular feature of this blog I’ll be trying to post a joke, humorous story or some other daily humor each day.  It is possible that not EVERYONE will find these jokes humorous.  I’m not the most politically correct guy at times but if you don’t like find another blog to visit.

Without delay I present you with my first Daily Humor post.

One day Dirty Johnny accidentally walks in on his mother in the shower.  After his mother gets out of the show Johnny mentions that he’d seen the “Hair down there” and asks what it was.  Thinking quite quickly Johnny’s mother tells him that it’s her sponge.  Johnny accepts this answer and goes about his business.

About a week later Johnny again walks in on his mother in the shower and notices that his freshly shaved mother no longer has her sponge.  He asks what happened to it and is told she lost it.

2 days later while Johnny’s mother is again in the shower Johnny bursts into the bathroom yelling MOM, MOM!  Mom asks What is it Johnny?  Johnny excitedly exclaims “Mom, the maid found your sponge and she’s washing Dad’s face with it!”